The Story Behind My Resolutions

I am writing this post as part of the 2014 Blogger Challenge. The first prompt is to write about what inspired my New Year’s Resolutions. When I came up with my resolutions for this coming year, I tried to look at what I considered to be the deficits in my life from the previous year or at least areas of my life that I wanted to change or improve. I have seven goal areas for the year: Service, Self-Care, Family, Relationship, Home Organization, Writing/Blogging, and Finances. This list is a little different than what I’ve focused on in the past.

“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” -Lama Yeshe

This quote stood out because I do find that I have a hard time being a good mom if I don’t have that time for myself. I will probably always be less than great at doing things I want to do without feeling guilty, but I think that I can at least improve in this area. Therefore, many of the areas (self-care, family, relationship, and service) are geared towards things that should help with this. Home organization will help me to feel more organized and productive, and being more in control of our finances will also help. Writing and blogging comes in because it has been one of the few things I can do in the evenings after my kids go to bed.

Part of me feels guilty for not adding a music component this year. I do want to add more music in my life but it is difficult to do when the kids are napping or have gone down for the night. To get any time to myself, I pretty much have to leave the house and writing is something I can do at Starbucks, while music is not as easy to do away from the house. I have included music in my 101 in 1,001 list so I have chosen to focus on those musical tasks rather than add new ones to my resolutions for the year. I also have music-related activities planned for my self-care goals.

I have worked so hard over the past several years to do what is best for my kids and my family. Personally, I think one of the hardest things about being a mother is still maintaining a sense of self, especially in the early years of our children’s lives. It is so easy to set aside the things we enjoy and the things that make us “us” without even realizing it. It’s not that I am planning to stop doing things for my family, but somewhere along the way, I seem to have forgotten that I need something for myself as well. Hopefully, 2014 will be the year that I can find myself again.

Stay tuned for the final installment of my 2014 Resolutions!

12 comments

  1. melanie says:

    i think every mom understand what you are saying,as a mom i found to always put myself last,and it is so easy to lose yourself and not knowing who you really are as an only person,it’s what happened to me last year hopefully this year i will be able to find myself again to have back my own identity

  2. I meant to add, don’t be too hard on yourself, we women are so easily, you are doing what you can and berating yourself doesn’t help you be better often, it makes you feel guilty and not deserving. I am working on a book this year about having more fun in your life, I’ll let you know about it as it develops. It’s something us mums need to bring into our lives more and it was a question from a mum at a conference that led to this book.

    • Rachel says:

      Your book sounds very interesting! I work as a music therapist and have had thoughts going around my head about writing something having to do with music and self-care. Let me know how it goes with the book…would love to hear more about it!

  3. Oh I so agree, like you, I really need time just for me too and if I don’t get it I get really irritable. I am a much better mum for looking after myself and dealing with some of my needs, it’s rather like the parallel with the oxygen mask.

  4. Betsy says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who makes categories for my goals. It worked really well for me last year!

  5. Sonya Mann says:

    I love that quote, and this resolution in general. I also find that if I’m not kind to myself, it’s hard for me to put kindness outward. It’s wonderful that you’re talking about how important it is for mothers to think about themselves and their mental health!

    • Rachel says:

      I actually work as a therapist (a music therapist to be exact) and I am always telling my groups how important it is to take care of themselves so that they can be there for their families, but it is also something I struggle with.

      • Sonya Mann says:

        It’s funny how easy it is to tell other people to be good to themselves, but how hard it is to practice the preachings. I’m definitely not a therapist–usually on the client end of things instead, haha–but I struggle with that as well.

  6. Rochelle says:

    I totally agree with you about how easy it is to lose “yourself” when parenting young children. That is exactly how i felt this year that passed and towards the end of the year I really started to make an effort to get back to “being me” even if it is for an hour or 2 a day, but it is definitely worth it for your sanity and your family’s happiness! Good luck with your pursuit this year 😉 xoxo

    • Rachel says:

      I feel like it is one of those things that no one mentions when you are pregnant. People talk about how your life will change in regards to sleep schedules, finding sitters for the kids if you want to go out, etc., but they don’t talk about how it will be nearly impossible to keep your sense of self in the first year!

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